In 1857, Thomas Hughes wrote Tom Brown's School Days, the chronicle of an English boys' boarding school. PBS made the book into a series for Masterpiece Theater and, it's such a powerful story that there are three movies based on the trials, tribulations, and torture of Tom Brown at the prestigious Rugby School.
The modern generation will be interested to know that Tom Brown's School Days had a direct influence on J. K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter books. Her first novel in the series, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, has many direct parallels in structure and theme to Tom Brown's School Days.
At Rugby School, the boys learn to parse the verbs and decline the nouns of Latin and Greek under the stern eyes of rigorous teachers. They delve into history and mathematics; they play soccer on the pitch. Sounds like a good education, a pedagogical paradise. But into this Edenic education comes the serpent, a boy named Flashman who, in accord with the hoary tradition of the school, is a bully and eleven year old Tom Brown is his target.
Flashman turns Tom Brown's school days into a hell on earth. Bullying back then in the English boarding schools was rife, notorious, and cruel. It didn't consist of memorizing and reciting facts that would make you a winner of any Trivial Pursuit Game on earth. The bullying at Rugby School left scars.
Flashman forces Tom stand in front of and so close to a fire that his clothes smoulder and the heat burns young Tom who is expected, by the unwritten ancient code of the students, to take it in silence; not one of the authorities at Rugby School is to know. To snitch is to betray the code.
Thomas Hughes so finely etched the character of Flashman that his very name has become shorthand for "Bully," just as Harriett Beecher Stowe did with the cruel and greedy Simon Legree in Uncle Tom's Cabin whose name we use for an overbearing boss.
Bullying is a hot topic in our society because the Flashmans yet walk among us in our schools, ride on our school buses. The brutality of the hazing at the Rugby School lives on in fraternities, school clubs, school bands, and various student organizations both formally and informally.
And you know what? There are Christian Flashmans abroad in the land, those who want you to toe the mark on their legalism and their whims, and if you don't, those sweet saints will morph into Flashman and you will pay and pay until their bullying has done its cruel work, that is, until you submit.
The tactics of the Christian bully aren't those of Flashman, but by the time the church bully is through with you, he will have burned you. The Christian Flashman has many arrows in his (or her) quiver and once they find their mark, you'll find them to be the cruelest cut of all.
One of the especially pointed arrows is that of silence. Flashman will freeze you out of the inner circle. The Christian bully will converse with you, but his responses will be in monosyllables until you get the unspoken point, "I don't want to share my life with you, in fact, I don't even want to talk to you." He plans his silence and works the plan.
There are other flinty weapons in Flashman's quiver. Flashman loves emotional blackmail. To get you and others to bow before his desires, the bully will storm out of meetings, just so you'll know that he or she has been offended, and he wants you to know, "Offending me is not a good thing." This is a clever ploy by which the bully knows he can have his way with you if he storms out of a meeting with flags flying and drums beating. Next time you'll be careful not to offend him at the church business meeting, You'll come around; you'll vote his way. Egg shells now litter the aisles of the sanctuary.
Emotional blackmail also includes the tantrum: don't you dare upset the bully, lest he explode and his anger, like lava, pour all over you and others at the meeting. To get his way, the church bully will always hold a potential explosion over the collective heads of the assembled. She learned the tactic long ago; that's how she's gotten her way in her office, in her family, and so, why not bring the threat to the church business meetings? It's worked everywhere else, why won't in work in the sanctuary? It won't be long before you and the others will learn your lesson and let her have her way lest her fury, lie a woman scorned, erupt.
Flashman's quiver is never empty. There are other arrows at his disposal to get you to say, "How high," to his, "Jump!" The bully will stoop to secret meetings held for the purpose of dealing with you and when word gets back to you that others have been in conclave, you can easily be intimidated. Mission accomplished. The secret meeting may masquerade as a prayer meeting or a Bible study to give it a spiritual hue.
A favorite arrow is that of the innuendo: "I heard that (insert your name here) wrote a bad check in 1987," the bully says to others. Flashman is clever; when the claim is shown to be false, he can say, "All I said was that I heard he wrote a bad check; I didn't say he did." But his hope is that the innuendo will snowball into an irretrievable rumor that takes a life of its own.
Then there's the quilt trip. The bully suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish, or has it too easy. This usually results in the victim's feeling bad, keeping him in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. Many a pastor has a Ph. D. in guilt-tripping.
The arrows of the bully multiply: he uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. He makes you feel unworthy. A fierce look or glance, an unpleasant tone of voice can do the job. Bullies can make you feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them.
There's a soft arrow in the quiver of the manipulative bully: The Arrow of Tears. If all else fails, the bully tears up so as to get her way. (This is arrow of choice among female bullies.) Many have noted this manipulative strategy. "When a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears," so said Dionysius Cato way back in the 4th century AD. And the fictional character, Sam Slick notes: "Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly." Mothers are adept at this form of manipulation and only compound the problem when they bring their tears to church to get a meeting to go their way.
What are we to do about the Flashmans, Christian or otherwise? Ah, Proverbs to the rescue! A first principle is Proverbs 20:22 and Proverbs 19:11--don't retaliate in kind (let God handle the bully) and don't get angry. (The bully isn't worth it.)
But is that all Proverbs says? Those are good principles, but are there more?
I'm glad you asked; the good news is, "Yes," and this is where we see the strong bones of Proverbs underneath its holy cover.
Are you supposed to become a Pollyanna doormat for the muddy feet of the Christian bullies of this world? Is our method to follow the lyrics to the song, "Open Up Your Heart?"
"Mommy told me something a little kid should know.
It's all about the devil and I've learned to hate him so.
She said he causes trouble when you let him in the room.
He will never ever leave you if your heart is filled with gloom.
"So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin.
Smilers never lose and frowners never win.
So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in."
Are we to "Let the sun shine in, face the bully with a grin and take repeated slaps to the face?" Not according to the Bible.
There's danger in the bully: "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly" (Proverbs 17:12). You're in danger when you put yourself close to the bully. So . . .
"Do not associate with a man given to anger, or go with a hot-tempered man" (Proverbs 22:24). And . . .
Proverbs 20:3: "Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel."
So, here it is, the end of the matter, presented in living color by Solomon himself: Do not repay bullying for bullying; be kind to the bully, but don't be stupid enough to continually put yourself in the same position to be mistreated by the fool. Remove yourself from the church and the bullies who are hurting you and are cruel to you.
__________________________________________________________________________
Dr. Mike Halsey is the chancellor of Grace Biblical Seminary, a Bible teacher at the Hangar Bible Fellowship, and the author of Truthspeak. A copy of his book, Microbes in the Bloodstream of the Church, is also available on Amazon.com. If you would like to a receive a copy of his weekly Bible studies and other articles of biblical teaching and application, you can do so by writing sue.bove@gmail.com and requesting "The Hangar Bible Journal."
If you would like to contribute to his ministry according to the principle of II Corinthians 9:7, you may do so by making your check out to Hangar Bible Fellowship and mailing it to 65 Teal Ct., Locust Grove, GA 30248. All donations are tax deductible.
Other recommended grace-oriented websites are:
notbyworks.org
literaltruth.org
gracebiblicalseminary.org
duluthbible.org
Bullying is a hot topic in our society because the Flashmans yet walk among us in our schools, ride on our school buses. The brutality of the hazing at the Rugby School lives on in fraternities, school clubs, school bands, and various student organizations both formally and informally.
And you know what? There are Christian Flashmans abroad in the land, those who want you to toe the mark on their legalism and their whims, and if you don't, those sweet saints will morph into Flashman and you will pay and pay until their bullying has done its cruel work, that is, until you submit.
The tactics of the Christian bully aren't those of Flashman, but by the time the church bully is through with you, he will have burned you. The Christian Flashman has many arrows in his (or her) quiver and once they find their mark, you'll find them to be the cruelest cut of all.
One of the especially pointed arrows is that of silence. Flashman will freeze you out of the inner circle. The Christian bully will converse with you, but his responses will be in monosyllables until you get the unspoken point, "I don't want to share my life with you, in fact, I don't even want to talk to you." He plans his silence and works the plan.
There are other flinty weapons in Flashman's quiver. Flashman loves emotional blackmail. To get you and others to bow before his desires, the bully will storm out of meetings, just so you'll know that he or she has been offended, and he wants you to know, "Offending me is not a good thing." This is a clever ploy by which the bully knows he can have his way with you if he storms out of a meeting with flags flying and drums beating. Next time you'll be careful not to offend him at the church business meeting, You'll come around; you'll vote his way. Egg shells now litter the aisles of the sanctuary.
Emotional blackmail also includes the tantrum: don't you dare upset the bully, lest he explode and his anger, like lava, pour all over you and others at the meeting. To get his way, the church bully will always hold a potential explosion over the collective heads of the assembled. She learned the tactic long ago; that's how she's gotten her way in her office, in her family, and so, why not bring the threat to the church business meetings? It's worked everywhere else, why won't in work in the sanctuary? It won't be long before you and the others will learn your lesson and let her have her way lest her fury, lie a woman scorned, erupt.
Flashman's quiver is never empty. There are other arrows at his disposal to get you to say, "How high," to his, "Jump!" The bully will stoop to secret meetings held for the purpose of dealing with you and when word gets back to you that others have been in conclave, you can easily be intimidated. Mission accomplished. The secret meeting may masquerade as a prayer meeting or a Bible study to give it a spiritual hue.
A favorite arrow is that of the innuendo: "I heard that (insert your name here) wrote a bad check in 1987," the bully says to others. Flashman is clever; when the claim is shown to be false, he can say, "All I said was that I heard he wrote a bad check; I didn't say he did." But his hope is that the innuendo will snowball into an irretrievable rumor that takes a life of its own.
Then there's the quilt trip. The bully suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish, or has it too easy. This usually results in the victim's feeling bad, keeping him in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. Many a pastor has a Ph. D. in guilt-tripping.
The arrows of the bully multiply: he uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. He makes you feel unworthy. A fierce look or glance, an unpleasant tone of voice can do the job. Bullies can make you feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them.
There's a soft arrow in the quiver of the manipulative bully: The Arrow of Tears. If all else fails, the bully tears up so as to get her way. (This is arrow of choice among female bullies.) Many have noted this manipulative strategy. "When a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears," so said Dionysius Cato way back in the 4th century AD. And the fictional character, Sam Slick notes: "Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly." Mothers are adept at this form of manipulation and only compound the problem when they bring their tears to church to get a meeting to go their way.
What are we to do about the Flashmans, Christian or otherwise? Ah, Proverbs to the rescue! A first principle is Proverbs 20:22 and Proverbs 19:11--don't retaliate in kind (let God handle the bully) and don't get angry. (The bully isn't worth it.)
But is that all Proverbs says? Those are good principles, but are there more?
I'm glad you asked; the good news is, "Yes," and this is where we see the strong bones of Proverbs underneath its holy cover.
Are you supposed to become a Pollyanna doormat for the muddy feet of the Christian bullies of this world? Is our method to follow the lyrics to the song, "Open Up Your Heart?"
"Mommy told me something a little kid should know.
It's all about the devil and I've learned to hate him so.
She said he causes trouble when you let him in the room.
He will never ever leave you if your heart is filled with gloom.
"So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin.
Smilers never lose and frowners never win.
So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in."
Are we to "Let the sun shine in, face the bully with a grin and take repeated slaps to the face?" Not according to the Bible.
There's danger in the bully: "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly" (Proverbs 17:12). You're in danger when you put yourself close to the bully. So . . .
"Do not associate with a man given to anger, or go with a hot-tempered man" (Proverbs 22:24). And . . .
Proverbs 20:3: "Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel."
So, here it is, the end of the matter, presented in living color by Solomon himself: Do not repay bullying for bullying; be kind to the bully, but don't be stupid enough to continually put yourself in the same position to be mistreated by the fool. Remove yourself from the church and the bullies who are hurting you and are cruel to you.
__________________________________________________________________________
Dr. Mike Halsey is the chancellor of Grace Biblical Seminary, a Bible teacher at the Hangar Bible Fellowship, and the author of Truthspeak. A copy of his book, Microbes in the Bloodstream of the Church, is also available on Amazon.com. If you would like to a receive a copy of his weekly Bible studies and other articles of biblical teaching and application, you can do so by writing sue.bove@gmail.com and requesting "The Hangar Bible Journal."
If you would like to contribute to his ministry according to the principle of II Corinthians 9:7, you may do so by making your check out to Hangar Bible Fellowship and mailing it to 65 Teal Ct., Locust Grove, GA 30248. All donations are tax deductible.
Other recommended grace-oriented websites are:
notbyworks.org
literaltruth.org
gracebiblicalseminary.org
duluthbible.org
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