DOES THIS SOUND HARSH TO YOU?

"Now when Jesus saw a crowd around Him, He gave orders to depart to the other side of the sea. ^.Another of the disciples said to Him, “Lord, permit me first to go and bury my father.” But Jesus said to him, “Follow Me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead.” (Matt. 8)

That statement jars our ears. Jesus comes across as harsh with a lack of compassion. Or does He? Let's examine two things: the context of the text and the customs of the times.

Right off the bat, let's discuss the phrase, "one of His disciples." Our English eyes often read this as a technical term, that is, one of the select Twelve, but the word isn't used that way in every case in the New Testament. It can mean, "follower" or "student." It can refer to the curious follower of Jesus, not even a believer, and not always a committed believer. The meaning depends on the context. 

WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES

And another thing: our English minds can't help themselves: we read our customs into the text and that's why it comes across as a heartless reply. What's happening is that our customs lead us to believe that this poor man's father has died and, in the urgency of the moment, he needs to go home and he communicates that need to Jesus by asking Him for a leave of absence and then, after that, he'll return. 

OUR ASSUMPTION

But we're assuming that his father has just died. But that's not the case at all: the father isn't dead. 

We can say that because:

The Jewish custom was that when a person died, he was buried before sunset that same day. This was the case when Christ died and it was the case when Ananias and his wife died as recorded in Acts 5. If his father had died, the burial would most likely have already taken place, and even if it hadn't, it would be by sunset the day of the son's request to leave, so he couldn't make it back home, unless it's very close.

When we look at the man's request, we read too quickly over the word, "first." That, and the idiom of the day, show us what's actually happening. In Jesus' day and even today, when a person in the Middle East said/says, "Let me first bury my father," he means, "I'll do whatever you're requesting after the death of my father (whenever that maybe) and my responsibilities to him are complete. That's my first responsibility."

The man is the eldest son (we know this by his request) and the eldest son is the one who's responsible for taking care of his aged parent(s) until they die. The man is saying, "Let me take care of my father first, then I'll return to You because my responsibilities as the heir will be over." By the Law, he'll get a double portion of the estate because he's borne the expense and energy of their care. That's fair.

Christ bases His reply on another familial custom and idiom of the day. If there were other sons in the family, they were considered "dead" to the responsibility to care for their aging parents, so when Christ said, "Let the dead bury their own (notice the familial reference in "their own") dead," He's saying "When the death of your father happens, let your brother(s) take care of the burial, even though by custom, they're dead to that responsibility."

THIS IS NO FUN

One other thing: we know from the rest of the story that Jesus is getting ready to take them into a territory that's heavily gentile, and for Jews, that's a no-fun situation. (From my frame of reference, that would be like engaging in evangelism in a flea market.) We could speculate that the man doesn't want to go into that area, a place crawling with gentiles, those "unclean dogs," so he's begging off, making an excuse when it's crunch time.

TODAY

Such is the custom today in the Middle East. Bob Boyd, an archeologist relates this incident while at the Old Testament site of Dothan: 

"I became very friendly with Abed, our Jordanian pickman. He had been educated in British schools and could speak English fluently. One day he invited me to his home in the little village of Arrabah to have supper with his family. On our two mile hike over I questioned him about his family, parents and brothers and sisters, who, he said, were all in good health."

"Since he was such an educated young man, I asked if he ever thought of coming to America and getting a job. 

"He replied, 'I would love to, but I have to stay at home and bury my father.'” 

"When I reminded Abad that he told me his father was alive and well, he explained that he was the first-born son and as heir to all his father possessed, it was his responsibility to stay home until his father passed away and then to bury him. 

"I then asked my young Jordanian friend why he couldn’t have his brothers and sisters assume this responsibility of burying his father. “They are dead,” he said. Again I reminded him that he said they were all alive and doing well. I asked Abad how he could say his siblings were “dead.” 

"His answer was, 'They are dead to this relationship I have with my father as the first born son—the heir.'”

THE PRINCIPLE

Now, Jesus' reply makes sense. It's not harsh and uncaring. And, at the same time, it shows us something: Jesus wants commitment, even a commitment that trumps one's commitment to his or her parents when the hopes and wishes of the parents clash with the will of God. 

The account of Jesus' interaction with this man is a lesson in commitment, but we miss the point if we read our culture into it.